Things I'm not very good at and my top five happy things

The list is probably long, but at the very top is patience, dealing with the unknown, and controlling my own "worst case scenario" from playing out at every opportunity. So, it's pretty frustrating not to be able to get in to see a rheumatologist until May 8th. In fact, the doctor I was referred to by my primary physician wasn't taking appointments until the end of June. I called around & found another specialist covered by my insurance plan who was available earlier, thank God.

So, to recap, I got the call on Saturday night that I tested positive for an autoimmune "disease" (that was the word she used). The results were concerning, & I needed to make an appointment right away to see a specialist. Testing positive means there are a limited set of things that I could have - it's not a definitive "you're pregnant" test result. Some of the diseases are a big deal (lupus & rheumatoid arthritis, being two of them). The lupus one freaks me out, because the symptoms that I originally went to see my doctor about were: fatigue, extreme hair loss, muscle & joint pain, an increase in my anemia symptoms, and an ongoing low-grade fever. Which matches up with the lupus symptoms. Yes, I know, self-diagnosing is not a good idea. But, I also feel the need to "prepare" myself, for any of the possibilities that loom ahead. Does that make sense?

To me, get in to see a specialist "right away" means . . . this week? Not the end of June. Anyway, depending on what could be wrong, there are certain lifestyle changes I should be making or considering - how much running I'm doing (creating additional joint pain seems like a bad idea), drinking might be problematic, etc. So, how much should I change my life while I wait around to hear what's going on? The honest truth is that I'm.scared.shitless. Seriously, I'm scared that the person I am right now is going to change, and I'm going to have to adjust my entire lifestyle. The reason I went into the doctor for the initial appointment is that I just don't feel like myself - I'm EXHAUSTED. I want to crawl up under my desk and take a nap. I feel like a lazy slug who is not a good employee, mom, runner, and I just can't stand the feeling of not being myself.

I don't know if I should continue to train for my half marathon in a couple of weeks, but what I'm going to *try* to do (which, goes completely against the grain for my Type A, training plan & schedule driven self) is train as much as I comfortably can. If that means I'm not fully trained, I'll deal with that. If I'm able to train as my plan calls for, I can make a game time decision about being ready for my half. My goal is to not push my body past what it can comfortably do right now - which is kind of the opposite of the normal running philosophy, I think. :-)

So, on that fun & awesome note, here are the top 5 things making me happy right this very second!!!

1. My amazing husband booked a trip to Las Vegas, for the week my parents are taking the kiddos to Disneyland. I really, really need to look forward to: cabana time, sunshine, massages, adult-only dinners, time with my love, & people watching!!

      2. My grandmother's 80th birthday. My mom, sister & I are taking her to the beach in a few weeks to celebrate. She has dementia, & so there are times when it's hard to see her change and forget things, but when she's in the moment, it's fabulous. She was hugely important in my life when I was growing up. Our last beach trip with the ladies! Why yes, we're in the local watering hole. ;-)

3. My boys have become obsessed with reading! Love.it! Here's my little guy, at the bus stop. Just reading away.

4. This lady, who saved me from myself & took me to lunch (and cupcakes!) yesterday. College roommate way back in the time machine, still best friends (on the right). In the middle is my amazing sister, who is turning 40, even though you would never know it! Jealous of the baby face.

5. Oh, & I may have bought myself a new bikini for getting into trouble this summer! The dark purple looks surprisingly good on my super pale skin. ;-)

Fill me in! What are the top five things making you happy right this very second?!!