Lately, I've been struggling with this feeling that I can't quite fit everything into my life - time with the kids, time with Michael, time to myself to see friends, running, work, the random things like doctor's appointments, & just the miscellany of life. I'm a perfectionist. Completely a Type A person. I have a color-coded, highly trackable, and measurable list of priorities for each month, & the year. I create reports for myself based on how I'm progressing against the month. The goals for the month vary, but typically include: financial goals, spending goals, work goals, fitness goals, getting together with friends, & a date night with Michael. It seems silly to create goals for such personal things, but if I don't have those items on my list, despite their priority in my life, I find it hard to make it happen.
We are in a phase of transition in our house, & I'm having a hard time feeling successful - like superwoman who can single handledly manage a household, a family, work, & a training plan. I'm exhausted, stressed, & probably not the best mother/wife/employee I could be. Michael is in the midst of a job switch, which comes with its own stresses. I am hopeful that after his work situation is ironed out, I can figure out my own job, because my work is getting less flexible by the day. And my life? It needs maximum flexibility. As my job gets less flexible, & my hours increase, I feel this huge weight - can I leave in enough time to pick up the boys and take them to baseball practice? When will I see Michael? He's home for one day before he leaves again. What about running? What about just 30 minutes to myself? Who am I disappointing today?
I know this is a hugely long & rambling post, so please forgive me. I'm really trying to come to terms with not being able to accomplish all that I want in my life right now, & that's a very foreign feeling for me. And, not something that I'm handling terribly gracefully at the moment. So, my apologies to my lovely & fabulous husband & kids, because I am working on it. And, I'm also working on being kinder to myself on days when I feel like a failure, because those days happen more often than I care to admit, & it doesn't do me any favors to reflect back on them & get angry with myself all over again.
At the end of the day, I know that I have to make time for me - time to work out, time to run, time to treat myself well. I'm in a period of adjustment & change, & I will get through & adjust to waking up at 5:00 am & running, or squeezing in a run during baseball practice, or at 8:00 pm, or whatever works that day. I'm trying to remember that I just finished a race on Sunday, & having a few lighter running days (okay, honestly - days when I'm not really running) is not going to kill me as I try to find creative ways to make this work. It's just not. But, eating like crap compounds the problem & only makes me feel worse. Let's hope I remember that tonight. ;-)
I thought my outfit looked cute when I left the house, but I'm pretty sure the trouser cut jeans + flats just doesn't work, so I'm skipping the full body shot. I promise that you're not missing out.
Striped tank - Forever 21
Blue drop necklace - Tiffany & Co
Transformer phone - courtesy of my kiddos
My goal? To figure out a way to manage our household & our lives differently, so everyone has less stress. That plan is still in motion, but I'm strongly considering cutting back my hours at work. I've always been a very career driven person, so this has been a hard thing for me to wrap my head around. But at the end of the day, if there aren't enough hours in the day for all of your priorities to happen, something has to give.
And now, please share: your best stress relieving tips. I need them. :-) Thanks for allowing me the opportunity to put it all out there, because it is so helpful. I promise that my next post will be more inspirational! :-)